«

»

Michael Bay’s “TMNT” reboot delayed

Good news travels in 3’s. We have achieved victory across the seas finally ending World War II, we have managed to put a man (men) on the moon before the “Ruski’s”, and lastly, Paramount Pictures and Michael Bay’s ‘Teenage Mutant (Alien) Ninja Turtles’ reboot has been delayed, prolonging our eyes from occipital torture.

With recent rumors floating around that Bay has plans to make the origin of the turtles to be told from the viewpoint as aliens instead of mutants, or the possible sex change of our beloved Donatello, it’s with great pleasure that the release of this unnecessary reboot of an already decent franchise (minus the third movie. Samurais? Really?) has been pushed back.

Do we have any more speculations of what is to come with this new reboot? No. But I can take a couple stabs at it from Michael Bay’s past movies. My guess is that instead of each turtle having a unique weapon (the twin pair of sai’s, the nunchuks, the bo staff, and the dual katanas), Bay will instead be having each turtle wield some sort of Assualt Rifle. Maybe Leonardo will don a dual pair of semi-automatic Uzi’s. And if Donatello will in fact be female, maybe his (her) special weapon will now be PMS? And finally, knowing Michael Bay’s track record, we can expect constant on-screen explosions as well as stereotype-ridden dialogue.

The Ninja Turtles reboot, originally planned for a Christmas Day release in 2013, has now been pushed back to a May 16th, 2014 release. Sources indicate that Marvel has planned a release for a currently undisclosed movie for the same day. Brave move Mr. Bay. Brave indeed.